Seventy-Eight Days

Yesterday my mother sent out a mass email. I don’t know whose email addresses were included, but I do know she told my “secret”. She then followed it up with an “Oops. Hope that was okay!” email. It was okay. I couldn’t get mad. I share almost everything my girls do. When I’m happy with them, excited for them, proud of them, angry at them, frustrated at them, laughing at them, intrigued by them. Doesn’t matter. I’m sharing. I love my daughters just as my mother loves me and as much as I’d hoped to keep the “secret”, I’ve been having a difficult time doing so and I can’t blame her for sharing.

In seventy-eight days I will add a matching ring to my already sparkling left ring finger as I exchange vows with the man I love. It’s a “secret” because it’s in neither one of our interests to have a large wedding or to invite a bunch of people just to have a long invite list. It’s about he and I and our immediate families. I know I’d far prefer to be surrounded by supporters rather than a crowd of spectators. I’ve done my best to keep the news on the hush, but just like my mom I can’t wait to shout it from the rooftops.

We’ve waited a long time to make it “legit”, but forever he’s been my husband, and I his wife. I still can’t help feeling like it’s “new” and be filled with excitement though. Bottom line is that we’ve tested it and we’re sure. The love is strong and the bond is long. Seventy-eight days and counting.

Yup. Psoriatic Arthritis It Is.

In April, I was officially diagnosed with Psoriatic Arthritis. I can’t tell you I was excited about being diagnosed with anything, but I was relieved that someone was paying attention to all the pain and swelling I had. It was one of those times someone just smiled and nodded because I was right, but also one of those times I had wished someone had said I was wrong. Unfortunately, Psoriatic Arthritis is an autoimmune disease so one of the most common things to do is to suppress the immune system. As a mother to small children and as a nurse I was terrified of being told that I’d have to take one of these medications but I was also having a very difficult time getting dressed, washing my hands, tending to the kids, cleaning the house, and walking. Against my urge to say no I began injecting Enbrel a little more than month ago. I can tell you that every cough, sneeze, and ailment I overhear now seems to be amplified and more apparent than before, but I can walk. I can wash my hands without pain. I can get dressed. I can pick up my youngest. The benefit for me, has so far, outweigh the risk, however it is just the beginning and I’m very cautious. I continue to pray for positive results and I continue to take one day at a time. No assumptions, nothing for granted.

My ______ is Better Than Yours!

Seriously? Every time I see that used in a sentence or as a hash tag I imagine the person is in elementary school. It sounds like something I’d say to my brothers as a child right before I’d wave something in their face and then take off running in preparation for a rumble. It sounds a lot like “na-na-na-na-poo-poo” to me.

I, for the life of me, just can’t figure out why so many adults use it. I’d just like to know who they’re in competition with or who they’re making the announcement for. Be secure in your being. Be secure in your situation. Feel free to announce how thankful you are for your blessings but understand if it’s as good as you say it is we already peeped it. No boastful announcement necessary.

Super Accomplished

I started to make a status today about feeling super accomplished because I did the laundry all by myself and then I realized that a majority of folks would think I’m just a little bit ridiculous. The truth is I haven’t been able to do much lately and something like doing the laundry (which means carrying 6 large, full, heavy laundry bags plus 2 laundry baskets through the laundromat and back home and up the steps) is a major accomplishment. I have had increasing joint pain in all of my joints and swelling for about 3 months. The consensus, though not confirmed, is that I have psoriatic arthritis. Not something to be at all excited about. I’m a woman who doesn’t like and hasn’t had to take medications up to this point and the thought of having to take medications with horrible side effects forever makes me shudder. As a 30 year old with young children and a full time job there is no time to feel sorry for myself. Some days it is truly depressing when things like washing my hands or walking or getting dressed is painful but I won’t quit. I will pray for a miracle but remain realistic and on days like today I will just be thankful that I got it done even though tomorrow I already know I will be sorry.

Baffled

I’m just a little baffled by the human mind. I will never understand how some folks process the same information differently and how one person can believe in something that directly conflicts with something else they believe. Recently I’ve seen posts on Facebook that quite frankly make me scratch my head in disbelief as I sit and wonder what they’re really thinking. When the same person posts that they are “anti-abortion” and then follows it up with a post about “worthless liberals” I wonder how one person can believe every single pregnancy should end in life and then say a human being is worthless. Is it possible to believe that every life is valuable and then say that a set of people are worth nothing? And really, who put any of you in the position of making God’s decisions?